[Fedoras of Salvation] - White Knights ITT

[TubeHunter]

Aw yeah

[DocLawless]

Well, even if DtR never becomes the place where the pros hang out, we can still be know as the place where the people with a fucking clue build decks.

Which is pretty good, IMO.

I'd rather we be where people with a clue build decks than be where pros hang out. You know, if I could only pick one...

Hey, hate to be off topic, but just noticed something... I think Kamahl got suspended from mtgs o.o
His little miniprofile has a huge red throbbing... Err, sorry, got to thinking about redthirst's dick again...

I digress, it says 'suspended' in red letters below his name in the mini-profile to the left of his posts... Not sure how to feel about that one o.o

Yeah, happens to most of the people who don't complement the Sally tards on how nice their shit smells.

He may take the opportunity to join DtR which, call me crazy, but doesn't strike me as being nearly as horrible as I'd have thought just a few months ago.

You're the hardest on Kamahl out of everyone here, so I'll take your semi-endorsement as a huge balance-tipper in his favor. Everything I've seen from him on Sally lately has been reasonable. I can't even blame him for his love of wacky pet cards, since I do the same thing.

I
lurked on his Dega Midrange thread where people just wanted to bitch at each other and not develop the list. It was pretty unproductive and seemed to have a high concentration of people who believed in a "one true list" with no room for meta calls. I had more success with the deck after I stopped listening to those guys and just started doing whatever I thought would work. I'm pretty sure, by the time I popped in, Kamahl was so fed up with those asses that any time anyone questioned one of his pet card choices he either ignored them or got defensive. I mean, he'd say something, and then someone else would be right up his ass about it. Should have been there when he suggested Alms Beast, and that Demon isn't as good as everyone thinks it is. Nobody had anything constructive to say, they just lynched him. That's about when I left for good... One quick stop in the RDW thread where people were arguing why Firedrinker Satyr was a bad card and I was exclusively a DtR member.

[redthirst]

Hey, hate to be off topic, but just noticed something... I think Kamahl got suspended from mtgs o.o
His little miniprofile has a huge red throbbing... Err, sorry, got to thinking about redthirst's dick again...

I digress, it says 'suspended' in red letters below his name in the mini-profile to the left of his posts... Not sure how to feel about that one o.o

Yeah, happens to most of the people who don't complement the
Sally tards on how nice their shit smells.

He may take the opportunity to join DtR which, call me crazy, but doesn't strike me as being nearly as horrible as I'd have thought just a few months ago.

You're the hardest on Kamahl out of everyone here, so I'll take your semi-endorsement as a huge balance-tipper in his favor. Everything I've seen from him on Sally lately has been reasonable. I can't even blame him for his love of wacky pet cards, since I do the same thing.

The popular opinion is shifting already.

I feel like the hard-ass drill sergeant from a movie. Kamahl and I started our relationship with me getting in his face to tell him what a soft, useless, maggot he is and now that I've helped shape him into something slightly less useless, he's earned a salute of grudging respect.

[DroppinSuga]

All hail the hard-as-steel redthirst! (giggity)

[redthirst]

[rcwraspy]

Kibler wrote an article listing a G/b aggro brew that had Experiment One and Elvish Mystic as the one drops, but looked fairly Golgari after that, topping off at Reaper of the Wilds (which he was high on) and Polukranos.

Here's my attempt at flipping that on its head, moving to base black. This curves 8-8-7-4, includes 27 black creatures (no doom blade targets), 19 of which are multi-color (few ultimate price targets) and 15 of which have some form of evasion or resilience (19 if you include Thrill-Kill's deathtouch). Green and black mix gives me access to Thoughtseize and the best non-conditional terrors in the format with a huge variety of sideboard options. I needed 4 more green sources so included 2x Stomping Grounds and 2x Temple to add some scry to the mix and have green sources that can still cast Cackler.

Thoughts?

[deck]
Creature (27)
4x Rakdos Cackler
4x Tormented Hero
4x Lotleth Troll
4x Thrill-
Kill Assassin
4x Dreg Mangler
3x Varolz, the Scar-Striped
4x Reaper of the Wilds

Sorcery (4)
4x Thoughtseize

Instant (6)
2x Abrupt Decay
4x Putrefy

Land (23)
4x Golgari Guildgate
4x Overgrown Tomb
2x Stomping Ground
11x Swamp
2x Temple of Abandon

Sideboard (15)
2x Doom Blade
2x Gift of Orzhova
2x Golgari Charm
3x Hero's Downfall
4x Mistcutter Hydra
1x Ultimate Price
1x Vraska the Unseen
[/deck]

[Khaospawn]

Kamahl has pretty much shaped into Gomer Pyle, post soap beating. But pre-suicide.

[redthirst]

[Khaospawn]

[redthirst]

[rcwraspy]

I realize now that my attempt to post a decklist and seek advice will be forever lost in the ensuing hilarity.

Which, of course, I should have realized like a year ago.

[hamfactorial]

I realize now that my attempt to post a decklist and seek advice will be forever lost in the ensuing hilarity.

Which, of course, I should have realized like a year ago.

You must be new here

[rcwraspy]

I realize now that my attempt to post a decklist and seek advice will be forever lost in the ensuing hilarity.

Which, of course, I should have realized like a year ago.

You must be new here

[TubeHunter]

I guess she's a lesbian, Thought she was the oneeeeee

[TubeHunter]

Pink Triangle on her sleeveeee

[redthirst]

Christ on a Popsicle stick, we have clearly just lost the war for the Goddamned multiverse. I look at you people and the words "tremedously fucked" leap right out my goddamned skull. If you're the best FoS has to offer, it's time we bend over and get Battle of Wits deck right up the ass.

Don't think I don't know what you're thinking, you dumb shits. I know you're enjoying my performance at the moment. How delightful! I'm just like all those drill instructors you've seen in the movies! Aren't I just the fucking quaint one!

You don't understand. You're under the impression that I'm talking like this because this is just something drill instructors are supposed to do. You're under the impression that after a few weeks of training, my gruff but fair facade will begin to slip and I will show some inkling of being impressed the lot of you, and that at the
end of your training, you'll have earned my grudging respect. You're under the impression I'll think fondly of you while you're off making the world safe for red mages, secure in the knowledge I've made you better playing men and women. Your impression, ladies and gentlemen, is completely and irrevocably fucked.

Your impression is fucked, because unlike you, I have actually been in battle. I have seen what we're up against. I have seen the creatures I cast personally turned into hot fucking chunks of meat inside their sleeves. On my first tour of duty, my Commander was turned into a goddamn pile of dog food.

I'm not so funny now, am I? I'm not that happy fucking stereotypical drill instructor anymore, am I? You're not in a military comedy anymore, are you? Welcome to the fucking world! The multiverse is a fucked-up place, my friends. And I'm not talking to you like this because I'm putting on some amusing little drill instructor routine. I'm talking to
you like this because I sincerely believe, from the bottom of my heart, that if you're the best FoS can do, we are all magnificently and totally fucked. Do you believe me?

For the next 12 weeks, my job is to attempt to train you to be Embermages, and by God, I am going to do it, and I'm going to do it despite the fact that I can already tell that none of you motherfuckers is up to the challenge.

Each of you has a life time of bad habits and personal feelings of entitlement that I have to purge in three goddamn months. I know what life was like until now - most of your time has been spent trying to get laid, well guess what? Playtime is over. For the next twelve weeks, you'll be lucky if you have time to jerk off in the shower because I have to make you into Embermages and that is going to be a full-time job.

I want to make one thing clear: I do not like, nor will I ever like, any of you. Why? Because I know that despite the fine work of
myself and my staff, you will inevitably make all of us look bad. It pains me. It keeps me awake at night knowing that no matter how much I teach you, you will inevitably fail those who game with you. The best I can do is make sure that when you go, you don't take your whole fucking playtest group down with you. That's right - if you only get yourself dropped from a tourney, I count that as a success!

Now, you may think that this is some sort of generalized hatred that I will carry for the lot of you. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Each of you will fail, but you will fail in your own unique butterfly way, and therefore I will dislike each of you on an individual basis. Why, even now each of you has qualities that irritate the living fuck out of me. Do you believe me?

Bullshit! Some of you still think that I'm just going to hate the other guy, but I will disillusion you!

Which of you was in the military?

God damn it! There is nothing I hate more
in the entire fucking universe than trying to train a veteran because I have to spend extra time and effort on you bastards, making you unlearn every single fucking thing they taught you wrong. Well, unlike your precious fucking Marines or any other military branch, here the instructor is God. I could turn your fucking intestines into sausage pie and all that would happen is they’d tell me to get one of the rest of you to mop up the mess.

Who's homosexual?

Some of the finest tacticians in history were homosexual: Alexander the Great. Richard the Lionhearted. Hell, the Spartans had a special platoon of soldiers who were gay lover, on the idea that a man would fight harder to protect his lover than he would for just another soldier. Some of the best gamers I ever knew personally were queer as a three-dollar bill. Damn fine players, all of them.

But I will tell you one thing that pisses me off about you: you pick the wrong fucking moments to get confessional. Three separate times[/i:
6esx28uv] I've been playing alongside a gay man when things have gone sour, and each fucking time he chooses that moment to tell me he's always loved me. Goddamn that's inappropriate. Some fucker's trying to Poison me with a Blight Dragon and my teammate wants to talk about our relationship! As if I weren't already busy. Do all of us a favor, you get the hots for someone, deal with it on your own time, not when some bastard is trying to go infinite.

Who's a minority?

Bullshit. Look around you assholes. Here, everyone is red. There are no minorities. You want to be a fucking minority? Fine. There are less than 100 FoS members. There are over 1,000,000 M:tG players and they all want to prove what a fucking scrub you are. The first one of you who bitches about being a minority will get my half-Latin foot squarely up your whiny ass.

I can keep this up. I hate Christians, Jews, Muslims and atheists, government workers, doctors, lawyers,
teachers, blue-collar joes, pet owners, gun owners, practitioners of marital arts, wrestling fans and clog dancers. If any of you shitheads doesn't fit into one of those categories I assure you that I can and will find a reason to hate you on a more specific basis.

But, by God, I will mold you into the best fucking card annalists in the whole goddamn game.

[TubeHunter]

(Types furiously)


Is this the beginning?

[rcwraspy]

I cried a little.

Then I shat my pants.

[hamfactorial]

SIRYESSIR

[DocLawless]

SIRYESSIR!!


Edit: Damn it, Ham.

[redthirst]

Sir? Sir?!? I am a fucking master sergeant, you shitheads. I work for a living! You will answer with "Yes, Master Sergeant" when you need to answer in the affirmative, and "No, Master Sergeant" when you answer in the negative. Do you understand?

[rcwraspy]

Yes, Master Sergeant!

[TubeHunter]

I'd rather not.

[rcwraspy]

I'd rather not.

CORRUPTION!!!!!

[TubeHunter]

Submiting to a single leader is more corrupt than anything I could ever do.

Shame you don't realize that.

[Self Medicated]

Is that you John Wayne?

Is this me?

[DocLawless]

Red's tirade needs to be the new first post in "I Want to Join the Fires of Salvation". Someone make it happen.

[rcwraspy]

Submiting to a single leader is more corrupt than anything I could ever do.

Shame you don't realize that.

Everybody should submit themselves to a cleansing by the member. No room for corruption after that.

[TubeHunter]

Corruption by obfuscation then.

I see what I'm dealing with now.

[redthirst]

I'd rather not.

It's okay. You can just get your dad to make a call...

[redthirst]

I'd rather not.

It's okay. You can just get your dad to make a call...

[Helios]

Red's tirade needs to be the new first post in "I Want to Join the Fires of Salvation". Someone make it happen.

This.

[TubeHunter]

I'd rather not.

It's okay. You can just get your dad to make a call...

tsk tsk. gettin a little fiesty

But it"s fine. If you are as corrupt as you look right now, I'll be the only thing you need to worry about.

[DocLawless]

Is this because nobody would sing Weezer with you?

[redthirst]

Red's tirade needs to be the new first post in "I Want to Join the Fires of Salvation". Someone make it happen.

This.

Done.

[DocLawless]

Excellent.

[TubeHunter]

People get pissed when I don't do my job. So I do my job and you all get pissed. Bite me

[hamfactorial]

People get pissed when I don't do my job. So I do my job and you all get pissed. Bite me

>implying that the world is fair

[Kazekirimaru]

The world is a dick, son. You're gonna get fucked.

[redthirst]

LubeHunter