Dies to Removal

About 6 months.

Another 3 years down the line and I realized my previous realization was totally fucked.

You have such a way with words

I'm this age's Socrates mother fucker.

Serious question for my married RedBros... How soon into dating your wife did you realize she was the one for you?

My wife and I were friends for about six years before we started dating. (Disclaimer: I was married to someone else for most of those six years. That previous marriage was a complete mistake on my part. The previous marriage to that was even worse.) After we started dating, we had several serious talks about where we wanted our relationship to be: exclusivity, children, etc. We moved in together after about 10 months, and then handfasted for a year and a day. After that, we were engaged for one year while we planned the wedding and made preparations.

It helped that we knew each other previously. It avoided a lot of unnecessary questions,
and we already had an idea of how to talk with each other. I knew she was the one when I realized that I could talk with her about anything. Effective communication is the single most important thing for a successful relationship. I had to learn that one the hard way.

Serious question for my married RedBros... How soon into dating your wife did you realize she was the one for you?

3 weeks. Totally serious. We've been married for 14 years now. What can I say? I got lucky.

I recommend living together before you actually get married. Most folks I know disagree with that on principle, but I've known a lot of couples who wouldn't have gotten married had they done so. I almost made the mistake of getting engaged, but after we lived together for six months I realized it wasn't the right choice.

Interesting post Helios. You're right that most people think negatively of it. I always wonder about this!

Do not get married without living together first. I cannot stress this enough. You need to know how you'll interact with each other on a day-to-day
basis, and you cannot get that from dating. You need to know if you can live with each others worst habits. Even little annoyances get blown out of proportion when you're faced with them every day.

My wife suggests taking an extended car trip with the other person. If you can spend 12 hours in a car with someone, you can probably survive well enough.

Live together and fuck a lot. If you're not compatible in both regards you won't make it. That's not to say there isn't a laundry list of other things that can keep it from working, but those are both pretty basic things.

I'll say this: there are no fairy tales. Functional, long term relationships require a hell of a lot of work and communicating. And if you do decide to tie the knot... just elope. Take the money and go on vacation, and when you get back just go to the court house. Its cheaper, its less stressful, and your families will get over it. Nobody gets the mistaken impression that anyone but the two of you are important, nobody gets upset over who did or did not get invited; guys, you don't have to dress in penguin suits, and ladies, you can still wear a pretty dress.

I have to say I don't intend to get married (marriage/divorce/family law is FUCKED in the US, can't speak for anywhere else) but it might just be me enjoying being single after getting out of an almost 2 year relationship that went downhill the last couple months.

Of course if I met the right girl that would all change

A single guy that got dumped saying he is never getting married and blaming the establishment? That's a new one.

Shouldn't you be scrumping?

I recommend living together before you actually get married. Most folks I know disagree with that on principle, but I've known a lot of couples who wouldn't have gotten married had they done so. I almost made the mistake of getting engaged, but after we lived together for six months I realized it wasn't the right choice.

It's not a necessity if you've talked out the expectations and such but having them stay over the night at least is probably a good idea.

I highly recommend the pre-marriage counseling. I'm still using that shit to good benefit.

Edit: What I learned from it I mean, the conflict resolution especially. They make you cut through the bullshit and lay the cards out on the table.

Extended car trip/vacation is also a good idea.
It's generally long enough time to have someone stop pretending to be someone else.

Biggest issue I've heard with moving in is the girl expects things to be drastically different after the marriage and causes strife. Realistically, either way you have to talk it out in advance because they have different pros and cons.

You should really consider the "not get married" option.

Kaze:

Did marriage make your wife irresponsible and crazy, or was she irresponsible and crazy before? I suspect many divorces result from poor wife selection.

Marriage is perfectly fine when done safely.

Marriage flipped the crazy switch.

I think I know 1 couple that got married successfully young. He was 19, she was 24, they married after 4 months of dating and have been together for 6 years so far. Granted they said eloping after 4 months of dating was the dumbest thing anyone could ever do, but it worked out for them!

Kaze, was she just hiding it before?

I had something similar to Redthirst's story that I caught hints of before I proposed and insisted on the counseling before we got married to air that shit out in advance so I had a firm grasp of what I was getting into and how to deal with it. It still comes up on occasion but I would have been rightly fucked if I hadn't seen it coming.

I have to say I don't intend to get married (marriage/divorce/family law is FUCKED in the US, can't speak for anywhere else) but it might just be me enjoying being single after getting out of an almost 2 year relationship that went downhill the last couple months.

Of course if I met the right girl that would all change

A single guy that got dumped saying he is never getting married and blaming the establishment? That's a new one.

Me being newly single and not wanting to get married actually have little to do each other. I was pretty sure of the latter before the former occurred.

My wife and I dated for about 2 months before I proposed, then were married 8 months later. We've been married for 2.5 years and are very happy.

We're also both 32 years old right now. What I've realized is that both she and I have had previous relationships and have honed our senses of who we are individually, what we're looking for in a partner and in a relationship, etc. Going into something when one or both parties don't have that self-awareness can easily backfire, I would think.

Scrumper here! I am glad that we redbros can comfort each other when women hurt us. Too many of them overlook our male greatness and do not treat us with the respect we deserve.

What's wrong with getting married to a girl you just met? Redbros must live with unthinking passion if we are to feel alive. Even if our decisions make us fail and we wind up in this thread seeking hugs from our strong and chiseled brothers we must not stop blindly making impulsive choices! This is how I met the future Mrs. Scroatles this spring. Now we are engaged and about to have twins. Even if things fall apart and I get accused of being a dead beat dad, I know you red brothers will support me.

Lost me at Mrs. Scroatles -->

Scrumper here! I am glad that we redbros can comfort each other when women hurt us. Too many of them overlook our male greatness and do not treat us with the respect we deserve.

What's wrong with getting married to a girl you just met? Redbros must live with unthinking passion if we are to feel alive. Even if our decisions make us fail and we wind up in this thread seeking hugs from our strong and chiseled brothers we must not stop blindly making impulsive choices! This is how I met the future Mrs. Scroatles this spring. Now we are engaged and about to have twins. Even if things fall apart and I get accused of being a dead beat dad, I know you red brothers will support me.

If you start a child support fundraiser, I'm sending you condoms.

Met my wife a little more than 18 years ago. We moved together after about 1.5 years, got engaged after 2 years together. Got married a little less than three years later, and we've been married over 13 years now. Got a kid 5 years ago. We were both sure about not having kids, but then one day we just realized that the thought of having a child was really nice and we went for it.

Getting married without first living together for a considerable amount of time is really unthinkable for me. As for a successful marriage...I think communication (still learning this...) and mutual respect for each other is really key. And common interests and worldviews really help a lot. My wife and I have so similar taste in music/movies/literature, worldviews, etc it's a bit scary at times. But of course we've grown together during the years, although our tastes being so similar was why we got together in the first place. I mean, when you
discover you both have seen "Spaceballs" about 25-30 times and can cite most of the movie, you almost start believing you're destined to be together.

Bottom line is, it's different for everyone. I was ready to get married, and my wife and I instantly clicked. For others, not so much.

I love that every time a Star Wars movie comes on, she immediately squeals with delight (original trilogy only, of course ). We both laugh at the same silly shit. She's not high maintenance, and hates drama. She had some baggage, but everyone does. We hashed it out, and it made us a stronger couple.

A normal marriage will never be perfect. Marriage is a daily compromise, and it needs continual attention so you don't lose that balance. If one person is compromising more than the other, something is wrong and it needs to be addressed. I think the fact that both my wife and I are easy-going and willing to set aside our ego's for the benefit of our relationship is a major factor in why we
have a successful marriage.

I remember my brother-in-law once tried to say that I was whipped. And not in a joking manner. I simply told him that "if being whipped meant actually loving my wife and enjoying her company, then I guess I'm whipped. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I can't whip your ass." It was funny. He had no idea how to respond to that.

Bottom line is, it's different for everyone. I was ready to get married, and my wife and I instantly clicked. For others, not so much.

I love that every time a Star Wars movie comes on, she immediately squeals with delight (original trilogy only, of course ). We both laugh at the same silly shit. She's not high maintenance, and hates drama. She had some baggage, but everyone does. We hashed it out, and it made us a stronger couple.

A normal marriage will never be perfect. Marriage is a daily compromise, and it needs continual attention so you don't lose that balance. If one person is compromising more than the other, something is wrong and it needs to be
addressed. I think the fact that both my wife and I are easy-going and willing to set aside our ego's for the benefit of our relationship is a major factor in why we have a successful marriage.

I remember my brother-in-law once tried to say that I was whipped. And not in a joking manner. I simply told him that "if being whipped meant actually loving my wife and enjoying her company, then I guess I'm whipped. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I can't whip your ass." It was funny. He had no idea how to respond to that.

That was your brother in law? Wouldn't your wife's brother WANT that to be your answer?

Bottom line is, it's different for everyone. I was ready to get married, and my wife and I instantly clicked. For others, not so much.

I love that every time a Star Wars movie comes on, she immediately squeals with delight (original trilogy only, of course ). We both laugh at the same silly shit. She's not high maintenance, and hates drama. She had some baggage, but everyone does. We hashed it out, and it made us a stronger couple.

A normal marriage will never be perfect. Marriage is a daily
compromise, and it needs continual attention so you don't lose that balance. If one person is compromising more than the other, something is wrong and it needs to be addressed. I think the fact that both my wife and I are easy-going and willing to set aside our ego's for the benefit of our relationship is a major factor in why we have a successful marriage.

I remember my brother-in-law once tried to say that I was whipped. And not in a joking manner. I simply told him that "if being whipped meant actually loving my wife and enjoying her company, then I guess I'm whipped. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I can't whip your ass." It was funny. He had no idea how to respond to that.

That was your brother in law? Wouldn't your wife's brother WANT that to be your answer?

Wait, is he still my brother-in-law if he's my wife's sister's husband? So my sister-in-law's husband. I'm now thinking that isn't the case. Regardless, he's a douche
and I called him on his douchyness.

Technically he's your sister-in-law's husband, but my in-laws insist on me calling my sister-in-law's husband my brother-in-law so whatever.

Bottom line is, it's different for everyone. I was ready to get married, and my wife and I instantly clicked. For others, not so much.

I love that every time a Star Wars movie comes on, she immediately squeals with delight (original trilogy only, of course ). We both laugh at the same silly shit. She's not high maintenance, and hates
drama. She had some baggage, but everyone does. We hashed it out, and it made us a stronger couple.

A normal marriage will never be perfect. Marriage is a daily compromise, and it needs continual attention so you don't lose that balance. If one person is compromising more than the other, something is wrong and it needs to be addressed. I think the fact that both my wife and I are easy-going and willing to set aside our ego's for the benefit of our relationship is a major factor in why we have a successful marriage.

I remember my brother-in-law once tried to say that I was whipped. And not in a joking manner. I simply told him that "if being whipped meant actually loving my wife and enjoying her company, then I guess I'm whipped. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I can't whip your ass." It was funny. He had no idea how to respond to that.

That was your brother in law? Wouldn't your wife's brother WANT that to be your answer?

Wait, is
he still my brother-in-law if he's my wife's sister's husband? So my sister-in-law's husband. I'm now thinking that isn't the case. Regardless, he's a douche and I called him on his douchyness.

Ah, gotcha.

All these terms for extended family relations always mess me up. I grew up learning all the French terms before the English ones so I have double the terms in my head and can't keep any straight.

The whipped accusation seems to get tossed around pretty fast and is usually my cue to ignore what's coming next from that person.

Checking with the wife to avoid scheduling conflicts seems to be the one that confuses single people the fastest.

If you want to get married, have fun. Personally I'm with Kaze, at least on a philosophical level. You have to be comfortable with you if you want a marriage to work. And having seen several friends make the same mistakes and they involve one of the people compromising a key part of themselves for sake of the relationship. Personally I really don't care about gay marriage on a personal level because I have no interest in doing so, though I would love the option.

You have to be comfortable with you if you want a marriage to work. And having seen several friends make the same mistakes and they involve one of the people compromising a key part of themselves for sake of the relationship.

Yeah, that's a recipe for disaster because no human being can keep that up for more than a year or two before they collapse.

Honestly though, getting comfortable with you is vital regardless.

Pondering Pauper (but not with Ponder because it isn't good in the format)

[deck]Delver MUC[/deck]

Creatures
4 Delver of Secrets
4 Spire Golem

Artifacts
1 Serrated Arrows

Instants
4 Counterspell
4 Deprive
4 Exclude
4 Mana Leak
1 Oona's Grace
3 Repeal
1 Rewind
4 Think Twice

Sorceries
4 Preordain

Lands
18 Island
4 Quicksand
[/deck]

Sideboard I am still exploring, but it will include a mix of these cards:

Annul (affinity and auras)
Curse of the Bloody Tome (mono black control, esper familiar combo, mono blue mirror)
Deep Analysis (ibid)
Hydroblast (mono red, kiln fiend.dec)
Piracy Charm (faeries, white weenie, stompy)
Serrated Arrows (ibid)

Its a pretty sweet control deck really; Delver and Spire Golem are late game win-cons after you
exhaust all of their resources; Think Twice, Preordain, Oona's Grace find you gas going long and most of your counter-spells are hard counters.

Ponder IS good. I use it in my UR deck and it finds me good stuff.dek

It's rather surprising to see that most here are married.

I'm not one into forging relationship myself. Partly because I didn't really have the best schooldays back then, and I'm aware of the commitment I'll need to accept.

@zem: Snap? What about Gush?

Live together and fuck a lot. If you're not compatible in both regards you won't make it.

Despite the manner of delivery, this is excellent advice

But Preordain does that better.

@ Suga. It isn't actually bad, but it is less good than Preordain (on account of no fetches, and you're not actually trying to aggro people with Delver); and as a control deck you don't want to play more than a few cantrips; they are good for smoothing early, but that weakens your counterspells. I mostly want it for the lategame filtering and Preordain is SO much better than Ponder for that; Ponder forces you to keep the three, whereas Preordain doesn't basically.

@ FIA. I am not playing a tempo deck, but both of those cards are awesome in a more aggressive list!

I play one ponder and 4 Preordain.

Well, that's fine. I actually quite like that. If I had more space I would do the same.

What's in your SB? I am still learning the format.

Let me go take a peak. I haven't played it in a bit.

Scrumper here! I am glad that we redbros can comfort each other when women hurt us. Too many of them overlook our male greatness and do not treat us with the respect we deserve.

What's wrong with getting married to a girl you just met? Redbros must live with unthinking passion if we are to feel alive. Even if our decisions make us fail and we wind up in this thread seeking hugs from our strong and chiseled brothers we must not stop blindly making impulsive choices! This is how I met the future Mrs. Scroatles this spring. Now we are engaged and about to have twins. Even if things fall apart and I get accused of being a dead beat dad, I know you red brothers will support me.

Splinter Twins?

I was actually wrong. I'm running full sets of both Ponder and Preordain. Here's the list.

[deck]4 Preordain
3 Assault Strobe
4 Ponder
4 Delver of Secrets
8 Island
3 Apostle's Blessing
4 Lightning Bolt
3 Izzet Guildgate
4 Gitaxian Probe
2 Electrickery
4 Nivix Cyclops
7 Mountain
1 Dispel
1 Mutagenic Growth
4 Artful Dodge
4 Kiln Fiend

Sideboard
3 Electrostatic Bolt
2 Vapor Snag
1 Spell Pierce
2 Electrickery
4 Flame Slash
3 Dispel[/deck]

^ Oh that's cool. Ponder is very good in KilnClops.