Remember when Quaker advertised their Chewy granola bars with the pitch that they'd make your children shut the fuck up?
The fuck is with people that "parents who can't handle their kids' incessant curiosity" is a targetable demographic?
"No, you can't have a cookie."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"Why?"
"Because I'm your father and I know what's best for you."
"Why?"
"Because I have more life experience than you do."
"Why?"
"Because I've been alive for 25 more years than you have."
"Why?"
"Because I was born earlier than you were."
"Why?"
"Because your grandparents had sex."
"Why?"
"Because humans generally consider the act of sex to be pleasurable. Just ask Checkbox."
"Why?"
"Because he apparently has sex with something on a semi-regular basis."
"Why?"
"Well, I'm not sure. I guess she finds him attractive?"
"Why?"
"That's a very good question."
"Why?"
"Well, because it's a question I don't know the answer to."
"Why?"
"I've never even met her."
"Why?"
"Umm... because I don't even know who she is."
"Why?"
"Never asked."
"Why?"
"Don't care."
"Why?"
"I guess I'm just a self-absorbed asshole who doesn't care about anyone on the internet."
"Why?"
"Because they are relatively unimportant to my life."
"Why?"
"Because I have more important things to care about."
"Why?"
"Well, it's just a matter of priorities. I care more about you, for example."
"Why?"
"As this conversation goes on, I've been asking myself the same question..."
"Why?"
"Because you're pretty fucking annoying."
"Why?"
"Because you keep asking me the same question over and over again."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure. You tell me."
"Why?"
"Because I have no idea what goes on in your head."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not a mind reader."
"Why?"
"Because the human mind is an illusory construct that naturally arises from the chemical processes in your brain."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure, ask God."
"Why?"
"Because he'd probably know."
"Why?"
"He supposedly knows everything."
"Why?"
"Because he was made that way."
"Why?"
"Well, uh, I'm not sure."
"Why?"
"Because I have no idea who made God."
"Why?"
"Because they don't teach that stuff in Sunday school."
"Why?"
"I guess because they don't know either."
"Why?"
"Because the notion that someone else made God shakes them to the very core."
"Why?"
Iridium.
"Why?"
Iridium.
"Why?"
Iridium.
"Why?"
Iridium.
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Why?"
Iridium.
"Why?"
"Because some people would rather not ask the tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because even the philosophers of old couldn't have answered that question."
"Why?"
"Because they didn't know everything, despite doing a pretty good job given their level of technology and lack of scientific approach."
"Why?"
"Because they didn't actually do experiments. They just thought about things and sometimes came to the wrong conclusion since they never applied it in the real world."
"Why?"
"Because it was easier maybe?
"Why?"
"Because no one likes to tackle tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because they're hard to answer."
"Why?"
"Because they're tough questions."
"Why?"
"Because the questions themselves possess a quality known as "tough" which can apply to numerous things."
"Why?"
"Some philosophers would say that it's because "tough" is a universal, a class of independent entities used to explain relations of qualitative identity and resemblance among individuals. Basically, the question itself isn't inherently tough, just that it is covered by that particular universal."
"Why?"
"Because those philosophers are idiots."
"Why?"
"Because they invent entities to explain the tough questions when really you should just focus on what matters most in life."
"Why?"
"Because talking about why this thing is orange and that thing is also orange, but that thing is red,
and what does it all mean, is a waste of time."
"Why?"
"Because it has no application in real life."
"Why?"
"Because that thing is orange, end of story."
"Why?"
"Because I'm tired of discussing meta physics with you."
"Why?"
"Because you don't understand it anyway."
"Why?"
"I dunno, I guess you're stupid."
"Why?"
"You were born that way."
"Why?"
"Bad genes, I suppose."
"Why?"
"Goddamnit, just eat this granola bar!"
"Why?"
"Because it's tasty."
"Why?"
"Because it has chocolate chips and basically the same sugar content as a cookie."
"... Okay!"
